We’re only 21 days from 2024, and IT’S TIMMMMMMME (in my Mariah Carey voice) to set our goals for the brand-new year.
Reflecting on 2023 and the goals I’d set for myself, I know there’s one thing that kept me going regardless of the challenges life threw at me along the way.
So, if you are currently setting life, business or PR goals, here's the key to helping you to accomplish them:
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "It's not the destination, it’s the journey” that counts. Now, I’m sure we’ve all heard these wise words before, but how many of us really and truly apply them to our lives and businesses?
Often, we get caught up in wanting to see the results of our efforts without taking time to enjoy the journey and the getting there. I was reminded of the danger of this way of thinking when I listened to one of my favourite podcasts, The R&B Money Podcast, with Tank and J. Valentine, recently. In the episode I tuned into, they were interviewing someone by the name of Adrian Marcel, and he said something quite powerful and similar to Emerson's quote which was, “A lot of people get frustrated and they quit on their dreams [in this case becoming R&B artists] because they make the date the destination”. I.e., they start saying stuff like, “Man, I’ve been doing this for [years] and I’m not making the kind of headway that I would want to; so I give up.”
Even though we’re not all trying to be R&B stars, we can all relate to having a plan for our careers and lives that hasn't panned out by the time that we thought it would. This expectation of success and the frustration of failure is something I see a lot in PR especially when people end up hearing nothing back or they get a “no” after sending a few pitches. This makes them quit on themselves because when they’ve put in the time and effort with no result, they start thinking that no one wants to hear their story.
If this has been your experience; if this has been your frustration, I want to encourage you…
One of the proudest moments of my life was buying my first flat just before my 25th birthday. My dad helped me load my stuff into his car and we set off on our hour or so drive from my mother’s house in north London to my new home in the north-west.
“You know, you’ve done well. You did a good course” he began.
I turned to him in shock as he listed off my achievements since graduating as a Speech and Language Therapist- a “good job,” “promotion” and now “[buying] a house”- while some of his friend’s children continued to struggle for various reasons.
Now when I say I was shocked, I mean I was shocked. My dad had been completely against me studying speech and language therapy as, in true Nigerian fashion, he had wanted me to be a doctor.
“Thank you!” I finally mustered.
“Yes,” Dad continued. “All you need now is a car and a husband!”
Once again I turned to him in shock.
“A car and a husband?!” I said laughing. “Could I kill two birds with one stone and marry a guy with a car?!”
But the more I reflected on my dad’s words, the less funny they became. They niggled at me for the rest of the car journey and for days even after that.
I was frustrated because I had literally just achieved this house goal; yet I wasn’t even getting a chance to savour it properly before I was being pushed to achieve something else. I was also frustrated because I could feel myself being pushed towards something that I didn’t see as my next natural step.
Up till then, I had always towed the line that my parents set out for me. Medicine or not, the fact remains that I went to university and graduated. Everything that followed, that my dad had praised me for in the car, was also a part of the masterplan. This was the first time that I felt a deviation between my parent’s wishes and my own. This was the first time that I questioned their expectations of me and simultaneously felt the weight of potentially disappointing them, and robbing them of their dreams.
What made my resistance even more confusing is that I knew that my parents, and those of the same mindset, wanted the best for me. Marriage and motherhood are not bad things in and of themselves. It’s quite natural to want them for your child. Also, from what I was taught and could see from those around me, it was something that I was supposed to want too. Yet, as I’ve already stated, I didn’t.
Looking back, I see that this was a trauma response to seeing most of my female role models sell themselves short or stay in abusive situations due to factors such as tradition, control and low self-worth. Yet rejecting those societal norms helped me to realise that my measure of success is the freedom to live life on my terms.
In interviewing other black women about their measures of success, for my most recent Black Ballad article, it was interesting to see how these themes were echoed many times over. It’s also very interesting that, as I reflect on my journey from that part of my life up till now, I see how important having measures of success is, not just in life, but also for PR.
If you follow me on social media, you would have seen that I recently went to Germany for my friend's beautiful wedding.
In the few weeks leading up to her big day, my dear friend and soon-to-be bride, Kelly, asked if I could read a prayer at her ceremony. I was honoured, and of course, I said YES!
My first thought when she asked me was that all I needed to do was read a verse from The Bible. I was a little mistaken and would soon realise this, thanks to a message from the best man. Fast-forward to a couple of messages later, and worry starting to kick in (lol), I learned that it wasn't a reading of the word that Kelly needed from me. She wanted me to write a few lines that I would say in front of the congregation!
I won't lie; I was a little nervous because I was wondering what I could possibly say to the bride and groom. So, I took a few days to think about it, and these are the words that came to my heart and landed on my page:
John Maxwell once said that “we live in a culture that rewards image- often over integrity. We promote people who appear to have their act together, and encourage others to do the same”. With this in mind, it makes sense that you might be tempted to err on the side of caution when it comes to content marketing and PR by only sharing your achievements or highlight reel. However, contrary to the cultural beliefs alluded to by Maxwell, research shows that when leaders at the top of their game are transparent and vulnerable by “revealing that [they] aren’t perfect, it makes [them] more relatable” and therefore more likeable. This is known as the pratfall effect and is especially important in business because, as the old adage says, people will only do business with people that they know, like and trust.
Since PR (or Public Relations) is, by definition, action that leaders can take to promote “goodwill between [themselves] and the public, the community, employees, customers, etc,” the pratfall effect is clearly something that you will want to harness. So how can you do this? Well, as in my most recent Black Ballad article, you should create posts that:
On Friday I had the amazing opportunity to provide mentoring for an up and coming film maker as part of Genesis Child Films intensive workshop series
Shout out to my girl, Candice Onyeama for the invite!
One of the great questions that I was asked was "everyone talks about visibility and showing up authentically but how do I do that?"
If you've ever wondered the same thing, sis, here's my response:
This week I had the pleasure and privilege of attending the premiere of Lola Atkin's film, "Purple Beatz". One of my favourite lines from the movie was "You don't have to be great to start but starting will lead to greatness".
I loved it so much because it put me in mind of the conversation that I had with Lola and her co-host, Nughe, when I on their podcast a while back. In it I shared
